Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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