What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
