in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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