Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
