Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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