if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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