3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
