barbara walters just said penis...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
