honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
