take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
