so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
