would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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