Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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