Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
