If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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