ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
