Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
