Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
