I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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