The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
