He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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