Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
