I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
