well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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