Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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