So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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