Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCK WHALES
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
