: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
