the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
