I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
