yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
