Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
