I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Randomize
