I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm like, not good at living.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
