Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
