they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
