I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
