I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
