i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
