i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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