You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
