he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
