I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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