The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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