I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
