She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
