6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
