It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
