does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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