Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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