I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
